The libs let us get to ANOTHER Friday. Another one! Kamala must be fuming today. They just keep letting us get another weekend.
Idiots!
Look, both kids were up at various points last night, I barely slept, and I was up late watching the refs screw me out of a nice little parlay to start the weekend. So, needless to say, I’m not in a great mood today. Not in an awful mood – it is a Friday in October, after all – but it could be better.
Regardless, we bounce back TODAY. Right now. During this class. Let’s get AFTER it.
Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we welcome Smacker Miles back to class for the first time this year as she gets us ready for a big Saturday of college football.
What else? I’ve got Gen-Zers getting their first look at young Dolly Parton because she’s floating around the internet, we’ll address the NFL being rigged because Vegas always wins, and then, of course, we’ll dive into some of the best #content from the week that was.
Whew. What a Friday menu! I’m already feeling better.
Grab you something greasy for National Greasy Foods day – just nothing from McDonald’s until they get this E. coli situation figured out – and settle in for a Friday ‘Cap!
Vegas always wins
Feel like when it comes to greasy foods, it’s pizza, burgers, and then everything else. Right? I’ve also never understood why certain people take a napkin to their pizza to soak up the grease. The First Lady does it, and it drives me nuts.
You’re already having pizza. You’ve committed to having pizza. You know what pizza is. So, why try to make it … healthier? It’s pizza! Frankly, it’s the same concept with sweet potato fries. I actually like sweet potato fries, so I do order them occasionally when I’m feeling sassy.
But the people who order them over actual fries because they think it’s some sort of healthy alternative? Insane. The dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I hate half-measures. Either go all in, or stay all out. Either slurp up all the grease like a proud, unhealthy American, or get a side salad. Don’t try to slap lipstick on a pig.
Whew. What a rant!
Speaking of … last night was just an awful look for the NFL. I’ve torched them once this year for bad officiating, and I had to do it again this morning. The missed facemask was awful. The constant penalties were awful, and have been awful all season.
I’ve always called those who scream, rigged, conspiracy theorists wackos, but I’ll be honest with you … as someone who lost money because of that facemask last night – I am starting to wonder.
Plus, you know, things like this before the game don’t help:
Best of the rest from a big week of #content
I mean … it makes you think, right? If everyone was on the Vikings, and the game ended like THAT, it’s just a little suspicious. A little. Not enough to convince me, but I’m certainly getting there.
And yes, I lost money. I had a parlay cooking that just needed three more yards from Jordan Addison to hit. Once Minnesota got the ball back at the 5, I knew I was golden. No way they were gonna drive the length of the field and not throw it to Jordan Addison at least once.
And then the no-call happened, and I lost. Just like that. Donezo. All over. And by the way, I don’t think the Vikings would’ve scored on that drive. They looked like crap the entire second half.
But the spread wasn’t the only thing that got screwed with that no-call …
Yeah, I mean … my tin-foil hat is certainly foiling today. Remember, Vegas always wins. Always.
Anyway, I’ll be betting again tonight! Let’s go, Boise State!
OK, best of the rest from a Twitter full of bookmarks from this week. Let’s get to it:
Dolly, Russell & Daddy!
Gruden! He’s back, baby! God, I love this new TikTok Jon Gruden. Absolute best part of my week. Get this guy back on the sidelines, NOW!
I take it all back about the refs. Gruden told me to stop being a little bitch and crying about it, so I’m gonna do just that. I knew we’d turn the corner today, and we finally have. Let’s roll!
PS: those holiday sugar cookies? The best. No better feeling in the world as a fat kid than walking into the house and smelling those bad boys in the oven. We used to be such a great country.
OK, rapid-fire time on this final-Friday-of-October (sad). First up? The youngins on the internet were finally introduced to primetime Dolly Parton this week, and they’re waking up:
Yeah, they don’t make ‘em like Dolly Parton anymore. Absolute rocketship back in the day. Frankly, she still is. The best. Glad today’s generation is getting a little taste.
Welcome to class, Dolly!
Next? I mean, Russell Wilson just refuses to not be insufferable:
It’s truly amazing at this point how bad Russ has become. And I used to LIKE him! Hell, I actually enjoyed watching him play last Monday night. I miss that Russell Wilson.
He really said “Daddy loves you!” and just kept chugging along. Wild. If I said that to the First Lady she’d laugh in my face and tell my ass to take the trash out.
Next? Let’s check in on the always fun Riley vs. Crazy Keith battle:
It’s amazing how batshit crazy Keith has become. I can remember watching him as a kid on ESPN and he was so normal. Like, he was SportsCenter back in the day. And now … now he’s got Riley Gaines trying to find a tampon for him.
What a majestic fall.
OK, Smacker. It’s GO TIME!
Gerrit Cole’s wife, Amy, takes us into the weekend and into Game 1
I’ll never forget the absolute shock I felt when I realized Les Miles had a daughter named Smacker who was an ESPN college football sideline reporter. What a moment.
Never forget!
And welcome back, Smacker.
Now, let’s go have a big weekend of college football and a big Game 1 of the World Series out west. Dodgers in 7.
Take us home, Amy!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You lose money on the refs last night? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.